he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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