I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
