just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
