my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
