I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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