He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize