literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
