sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
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