woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
