Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
