I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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