Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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