That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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