life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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