I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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