It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
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I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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