what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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