if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
