and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
