I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My first STD was from a foam party
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
