DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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