never play flip cup with pint glasses
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
