i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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