Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
