i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
