i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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