Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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