I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
