Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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