How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my sisters under your porch take her home
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
