Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think I just sharted jello shots
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