I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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