so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
