Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
