i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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