Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
