Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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