Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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