Tell her she can't have a vagina
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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