I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
