Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
