so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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