Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
