i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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