i was born a porn star she said
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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