just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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