I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
