Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
