Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
