Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize