I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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