Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
