Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
