My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
