there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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