When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
