please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
