My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
