He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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