remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
