Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
