The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
