You just made me feel so damn special
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
