Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
