Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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