i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
