I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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