Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
