you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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